I surrender (sorta) all

Have you ever heard the song “I surrender all?” If you haven’t, before we get started, here’s a link.

I’ve always really liked this song. I like the idea of giving everything up to Him, and on the “good” (Mt. 19:17) days of my faith walk, feel as though I’m doing a not entirely awful job at it.

But let me ask you another question. Have you ever worshiped or prayed something really bold and then have God call you on it?

Cause that’s kind of my life right now. It’s like this:

Me: I surrender all, I surrender all, all to thee my blessed savior, here’s the stuff I’ve already trusted you with…

And then God is like:

God: Great! Thank you for these things. I love and appreciate them very much. Now I’m going to take this, this, this, this aaaaand this into my own hands. Okay?

And I’m all:

Me: THOSE ARE MY FRAGILE THINGS!! BE CAREFUL!!!!

Cause here’s the battle I’m struggling with right now. As much as I “like the idea of” giving everything to God, in reality, there’s a big difference between saying I’ve surrendered everything and really doing it. I’ve been giving a lot of consideration to where I’m going next in life lately, and with some of the things that have been prayed over me and my own thoughts and prayers, I feel as though the next step might include putting not just one or two things (as I’ve been doing now, I suppose) but nearly all of them into God’s hands. And it’s not as though I’ve felt like I’ve been keeping them from God up to this point, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe I have. As an example, I have back problems. Especially lately. And if I were to, say, switch to a different job, I wouldn’t be somewhere where I could wear my Dr. Scholls shoes every day. I’d be somewhere where I have to wear heels. And be on my feet. A lot. That, for someone with back pain, is a concern. If God is really calling me there, I’d have to really trust that (along with me being careful to do my due diligence in taking care of it, of course) He’s going to sustain my back. By not trusting Him to do that if He’s really calling me to this next thing, well, that wouldn’t really be surrendering all now, would it?

Back problems aren’t my only “fragile thing” in this situation.

What startles me is not the fact that God is (I think) calling me to place something in His care. He’s certainly done that before with my writing, jobs, health problems, dance. It’s not that, it’s, well, it’s the fact that He’s calling me to place so many things in His care at once. And how surprisingly untrusting I’m being about it. Like, “Oh yeah, God. I know you made the universe and gave me all these things and want good things for me and could really technically take any of these back whenever you want, but did you consider this? I don’t think You’ve realized quite exactly what and whom you’re asking, so why don’t I just hold on to these a little bit longer.”

But really, all of my fragile things really are already His. And it’s not a matter of me not knowing that they are or not believing He exists or is in control or anything. It’s a matter of trust. I am willing to trust God with a few things. Am I willing to trust him with many? Dear me, guess what? You aren’t the master in the talents parable (Mt. 25:14-30). You’re supposed to be the servant.

I think I know which direction I’m headed, and if God is really calling me there, I know He’ll help me get there and hold me up through it. If you have a second for a quick prayer that I would have the right attitude through that time, I’d really, really appreciate it.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

P.S. Do you have any stories where you had to put a lot on the line all at once? What happened? Tell me below!

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