Just thought I’d give you all an update on things so you didn’t think I was still lost in that perilous whirlpool of angst I seemed to have fallen into last time I posted.
So, basically, I’ve taken some steps to follow through on what I said I would last post, which is basically to try to be more connected to my community, less hard on myself, more trusting that people do in fact like me and to play more.
Thus far, I have met with success. Not only was it super healthy to address the fact I was having struggles (and thank you so much to those of you who read/listened/talked/connected with me about it), but I have also taken a few risks and been more myself or more goofy or more trusting in my relationships and it has been and felt great. I danced like a crazy fool at a wedding without needing a three hour lead in time and/or being insanely self-conscious about it, sent out an email to all my friends inviting them to come have adventures with me this summer, extended a few other well met invitations and in general have just tried to be more present. Perhaps not surprisingly, people have been super responsive to it. People have seemed more playful with me, have wanted to come on adventures and in general responded with the love I always should have trusted they would. I’m so grateful to have people who care about me as much as they do and who have not thought the bad things about me that I am sometimes all too willing to believe about myself. I’ve liked taking the risks, feel like I’m getting over some of my unreasonable fears, and have been so pleased to find that so many of the things I thought were big scary deals are actually not big or scary at all. I have also made personal progress with not viewing myself in such a bad light, choosing to believe more about what God thinks of me (or even the fact that he thinks well of me at all), falling in love with Him again and getting my life back in balance. I’ve been learning about faith in the sense of choosing to believe things even when I don’t necessarily feel them in the gutteral, gut way I like to, and though it’s sometimes been really hard, it’s also been incredibly rewarding.
Also, as a couple of side notes as long as I’m doing general updates, I found out that the local theatre group I had submitted my play to passed on it for this season, but also found out a poem I wrote in 2008 was featured in the school district calendar for my home town. I have also been doing massive changes to Machine, and am absolutely loving it.
So thank you to all those who help me, who were there for me and connected with me, and of course, to you, gentle reader.
Thanks, love, and blessings,